Abre los Ojos

I’ve been thinking a lot about perspective and how we see what we want to see in other people. 

When Bill and I started dating, I know we baffled a lot of people. I was younger, adrift, recently divorced – things that spell trouble on the surface. I am also tattooed and have lived a pretty colorful life, which was terrifying to his immediate family. On my end, Bill was older, widowed, and had a stocky build. My friends didn’t see what I saw and thought I was clinging to an older man for security. 

As we became a couple, people saw us together and got it. We made each other crack up all the time. We were both very kind and considerate and generous. We loved traveling and taking little trips whenever we could. We both treated almost any experience as an adventure. And, further, what people didn’t see is that we protected the hurt in each other from the outside world. 

Now that Bill is gone, I know I’m held to that singular perspective once again. I’m Bill’s wife. A loyal and dedicated woman. And of course there was never a doubt about that during our marriage, but what does that mean now? I just got a new tattoo in honor of Bill, albeit indirectly so. Is that a sign that I’m “wild” again, or that I’m a dedicated wife? More importantly, will anyone bother to ask? Probably not because deciding what it means on their own is far easier and more convenient. 

Since Bill died, people have come out of the woodwork. I’ve shucked off many who clearly just want to feel better about themselves, for whatever reason. But I’m connecting with some who see me for more than my surface, and who actually ask and listen to my replies. Am I so one dimensional that I can be categorized in a few words? And if you believe that to be true, what the hell do you think Bill saw in me? 

Abre los ojos and try to SEE people.